Things that speak through vents in the night:

I'd like to apologize. I know that there are many of you who are upset that I didn't post yesterday about my interview with Beezle. It's because I've been a little shaken. I signed off after my last post so disturbed about the interview that I couldn't quiet fall asleep. When I did, my dreams were dark. As I slept, they became increasingly frightening. Among other things, I dreamed that I was on fire, drowning, about to be hung, and being chased by rabid wolves.  Finally I woke screaming, when I dreamed that all of the editors and publishing houses world wide had blackballed me.

When I stopped screaming and calmed myself down Beezle's voice boomed down at me,"I WISH THAT YOU HADN'T WOKEN UP YET. I WAS GOING TO MAKE YOU DREAM THAT BRANDON SANDERSON EMBARRASSED YOU ON HIS PODCAST WHILE DANGLING YOU OVER A PIT OF VIPERS. I WAS ALSO TRYING TO WORK IN AN IRON MAIDEN."

I wasn't mentally ready to comprehend that Beezle was admitting to something. Therefor I made an accusation, "Beezle! You were messing with my dreams, weren't you!"

"WHY YES. HOW DID YOU GUESS?  UNFORTUNATELY, BECAUSE I WAS WORKING THROUGH HYPNOTIC SUGGESTIONS, I WAS UNABLE TO EXPERIENCE THE FULL MAGNITUDE OF YOUR DREAMS. PLEASE TELL ME, WERE THEY HORRIFYING?"

"What's wrong with you," I bellowed,  "Why would you do that?"

"I WAS BORED."

"What do you mean you were bored? You said you were bored when you hustled us out of the basment this morning! You said that you wanted to dream play!  How can you be bored already?"

Beezle does something that he calls "dream playing." It lets his consciousness enter "the revelry" and and take an active part in peoples' dreams. Apparently he can't control who's dreams he arrives in, but when he does, he enjoys himself thoroughly.

"YOUR SNORING INTERRUPTED MY CONNECTION TO THE REVELRY. IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME. I WAS ABOUT TO SCORE THE WINNING GOAL AGAINST BRAZIL IN A BOOKIE'S NIGHTMARE. BECAUSE OF THE TERRIBLE NOISES YOU KEPT MAKING, I COULDN'T GET BACK IN. THEREFOR I MADE DUE WITH WHAT I HAD AVAILABLE TO ME."

I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say, so I stormed from my room, made some hot chocolate, and sipped on it by the fireplace. My hope was to calm down so I could sleep again. To my great anoyance, beezle followed me from room to room, and I did my best to keep my cool. The last thing I wanted was to give him the satisfaction of getting a rise out of me.

From the ensuing conversation, I've come to the conclusion that Beezle sufferes from Attention Deficit Disorder. He kept changing the subject rapidly. He told rude jokes, told bone-chilling stories about his favorite evil dictators, made the worst puns I've ever heard, asked inappropriate questions, told me about people he'd driven to suicide and gave all gory details about how they did it. Finally, I was so sick of him that I resolved not to respond any more. That didn't phase him in the least. I remember the end of that one-sided conversation. After a long bout of silence he started asking me questions. I never caved. Finally he said,"ARE YOU SILENT BECAUSE YOU ARE CONTEMPLATING, OR BECAUSE YOU FEEL INFERIOR AND DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF?

JUST A FEW HOURS AGO YOU WERE FULL OF QUESTIONS. UNLIKE NOW, YOU SEEMED TO WANT TO TALK TO ME THEN.

 I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME, MAYBE EVEN LOVED ME. WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE, TO BE LOVED, I WONDER.

MAYBE TO BE LOVED, ONE MUST FIRST LOVE. MAYBE I SHOULD GIVE LOVE A CHANCE. LET ME SEE NOW... A LOVING ENTITY OF EVIL WOULD BE KIND AND THOUGHTFUL. A LOVING ENTITY OF EVIL WOUD CONSIDER YOUR FEELINGS.

ALRIGHT, I SUSPECT THAT YOU, PANSY THAT YOU ARE, ARE TERRIBLY SHAKEN BY THE HORRIBLE DREAMS THAT YOU JUST HAD. I SHOULD MENTION THAT IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU SCARE SO EASILY. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, I WILL CALM YOUR NERVES WITH A HEARTWARMING ANECDOTE FROM MY PERSONAL LIFE. I WILL CHOOSE ONE THAT IS INSPIRING, YET REVEALING, THAT I MIGHT ENDEAR YOU TO ME BY MAKING MYSELF VULNERABLE. LET ME SEE NOW, AH! YES, I'VE GOT JUST THE THING:

WHEN WAS COMPLETING MY FOURTH YEAR AS AN UNDER-DEMON THERE WAS A DAY THAT, FOR ME AT LEAST, WAS BOTH AWKWARD AND EMBARRASSING. WHEN I LOOK BACK ON IT NOW, I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT LAUGH AT MYSELF. I WAS PRESENTED WITH A HUMAN PAWN THAT HAD SOMEHOW DISPLEASED THE DEMON I WAS APPRENTICED TO. I WAS TOLD TO SKIN THE CREATURE ALIVE, BUT NOT TO DAMAGE THE HIDE. I WASN'T QUITE SURE HOW TO START, SO I EXAMINED HIM CAREFULLY, WHICH WAS DIFFICULT BECAUSE HE WAS KICKING AND SCREAMING THE WHOLE TIME. FINALLY, I DECIDED THAT THE BEST ENTRY POINT WOULD BE -"

That was when I finally made it to the back door and shut it behind me. A few hours later Wadsworth came out and found me in the garden. I was hungry, due-covered, and shivering; but I try to be an optimist and I was pretending to enjoy the sunrise.

"Good morning, Sir," he said, "I have brought breakfast, if you are hungry."

I was. When he lifted domed the lid from the silver plater, and I saw the steam rising and smelled the subtle spices, I almost passed out from desire. I tried not to look like a ravening wolf when I took the tray."Thank you Wadsworth," I said,"How did you know I was up? I'm usually not awake for another two hours."

"I have been subjugated to the laments of a bereft and broken hearted demon since rising this morning, Sir. Apparently you spurned his tender advances, and threw his metaphorical arm of comfort and support from your shoulders. He is quite bitter, and has sworn off love forever."

"He knows that things would never have worked out between us," I smiled, "On a completely unrelated note, I would like you to stuff the ventilation shaft in my bedroom."

Wadsworth smiled slightly, "I have already taken the liberty, Sir. I have also turned down your bed and drawn a hot bath for you."

"Thank you Wadsworth," I replied,"I don't know what I'd do without you."

Wadsworth nodded in acknowledgement and returned to his duties in the house. I finished my breakfast and truly did enjoy the sunrise for a few minutes. When I entered the house again things were blissfully quiet. I relaxed in the bath and slept for the rest of the day and through last night. Now I'm posting from the kitchen. Between the interview, the dreams, and the way I keep thinking about how Beezle's "heartwarming anecdote" might have ended, I'm still fairly jumpy. I'd rather not be alone right now if I can help it. Therefore I am posting from the safety of the kitchen table. I told Wadsworth that it's because I want to see how he runs his kitchen. He has had the decency not to expose the obvious. Thankfully, Beezle isn't so chatty today - either I've offended him and he's not talking to me anymore, or hes taken advantage my newly muffled snoring to get some good dream playing in.

I know I still need to post about the interview, but I can't quite handle that just yet. Give me another day, and I swear that I'll satiate your desire to know what happened.

-Jason