His Lordship

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I’m Jason L. Secrest, an aspiring author and impoverished college student. Sometimes I blog. When I’m being real about real world things that other people also believe are real I post at wiseyetharmless.bogspot.com. Then there are the moments that I’m also being real, but in regards to a different real world where there is a real annoying talking demon in my basement and where my non-fake butler/valet/gentleman’s-gentleman knows Jujutsu. In those moment’s I’m Jason L. Secrest, Lord of the Manor, and I blog directly to you from my mansion study at whathowadsworth.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

*ahem*: Big News with a side of Apology. Also, you've been demoted.

Dear friends, fans, and (most of all) the split second search-engine visitors who come and go in the blink of an eye.
I owe all of you an apology for my long and unexplained neglect of this blog. I do, of course, have a number of ready-made simpering and apologetic excuses to offer (by request only). Most of them have something to do with Beezle. The rest of them have to do with college finals and the weeks leading in to them.

The one interesting and possibly satisfying comment I have to proffer in regard to my extended hiatus is this:

I am writing a book.

I ask you now to take a moment to revive those of our frailer followers who are choking on their shock. When that is done, please allow the sniggering of the others to abate.

I am very serious. The blog has been enjoyable to write, but has very little following. I attribute this not to my whimsical update schedule, but to the hard fact that adults are boring and lack good taste. Therefore, I have decided to direct a set of memoirs from my younger years to your children. Upon completion, they will dramatize my life as a young boy and my first experiences within the walls of the mansion house.

Some of you will cry out that I have been false with you. You will point to a post in which I mentioned that I purchased the Mansion recently disillusioned Lord. Your great minds will deduce that I could not have enjoyed the Mansion House in my childhood.

Of course, you are correct. Had I only just recently learned of the Mansion House I could not have known it as a child. However I have not, nor shall I ever, lie to you. The truth is this: several months ago I discovered one of my Uncle Nicholas's old experimental devices in an unused room. Against my better instincts I mucked about with the thing and it exploded in a ball of fire and magical energy. My eyebrows were only slightly singed, but my memories were fuddled a bit.

Fortunately the effects seem to be less than permanent. Today, for example, I remembered that the reason for the small venomous snakes in a secret compartment in one of my desk drawers. They are not, as I had previously supposed, decorative; but they guard a small treasure trove of foreign dark chocolates from young boys who live in dumpsters. Will was both eating them and trading them to Beezle for favors. Needless to say they were diminishing quickly. Perhaps if I am lucky tomorrow I will remember the secret to rescuing my choice candies from the clutches of the over zealous serpents. (The direct route is not the correct one. I've tried it already, at great cost and with little success.)

I hope that now, knowing what you know, it will not surprise you if there are a few inconsistencies between things I said before and things that I remember now, or even between things which I reveal today, and alter a bit in the future. As far as I can tell, that's what memoirs are for in the first place.

In closing, I promise that I am not saying goodbye to the blog. I shall do my best to keep it current with whatever new events I deem worthy and I may even supply short snippets of my novel. Know though, that your lovely young ones come first now. The rest of you have officially become afterthoughts.

Congratulations,

Lord Secrest

PS - Beezle and I have reached an agreement through the miraculous power of mediation, courtesy of Wadsworth. I won't bore you with the details right now, but know that less is rotten in the state of Denmark, and more is quiet on the home front. Beezle has the internet again. If you are wondering why he hasn't posted anything caustic recently, it is because he probably considers The Mansion House beneath his current attention. Perhaps when he gets bored with youtube clips of "Big Bang Theory" maybe he'll work up the energy to be snide with me online. Until then I'm content enough with our arrangement.

4 comments:

Nathan Major said...

Your poem at the top of the blog sucks because it isn't a haiku. Fix it.
Also we are starting a podcast! Tune in people!

Derek Bown said...

Five, five, seven does not,
A Haiku make so maybe,
You should fix it now.

PS: Seven is one syllable.

Jason L Secrest said...

A. I never promised you a Rose Garden. I also never said my poem was a haiku. Can't I freestyle something that sounds like a hiaku? Perhaps I will generate a Hiaku. We will see.

B. I can't believe you (derek) would send me a not hiaku saying to fix my not hiaku, and think you can make it a hiaku in the PS.

C. I guess we're starting a podcast. Tune in people? Where I don't know. I'll post something when/if this ever becomes a thing.

Jason L Secrest said...

fake haiku is fixed
five - seven - five is better
now haiku is real

ps. you don't have to cheat and call seven one syllable